Horror! The Movies

I went to dinner and a movie on a Friday night with my wife, sister, and brother-in-law. Realizing it was Friday night, we thought we would be crafty and go to the 7:20PM showing of Dan in Real Life. If you don't know, its a romantic comedy about a widower advice columnist with three kids who takes his kids up to New England for an extended family get-together. This seemed like the feel good movie with emotional depth that teenagers might pass up.

Not... the... case. My wife turned to me and said "The previews should start any minute now". I was surprised at how quickly time had passed and questioned her for the exact time. I remember 7:17 because that was when the first wave hit. Hordes of mindless driveling pre-adolescents swarmed the theater. It all happened so fast, what was once a serene scene of adults quietly discussing their droll lives was quickly turned into pre-teens yammering on about the latest gossip, and flipping open their mobiles to pass the information on down the line via text message. If I weren't trying to enjoy a movie, the incessant incandescent glow of mobile phone screens lighting up the theater like oversized fireflies might have been construed as beautiful.

Their were so many things that shocked me about the experience, not the least of which was that we were hit by three waves of 15-20 13 year olds between the times of 7:17 and 7:25. I suddenly realized the despair the Germans must have felt in France, for it was much like watching Omaha beach get stormed. I am also beginning to understand why boarding school is so much a part of upper class culture.